Wednesday, December 27, 2006
I'll be back
Just a note to say that I'm going to be taking a brief hiatus (I know, after nearly five weeks of blogging, I totally deserve it) and won't have any new content for a week or so. I'm heading to Kansas City to spend New Year's with Julie, so I probably won't be blogging while there.
I hope you can press onward.
A safe and happy New Year's to you all, and I'll catch you in 2007.
P.S. Go Bears.
Saturday, December 23, 2006
I'm about 25 years late
I feel like I've missed out on the entire Rocky phenomenon. I suppose that's probably because I have. The movies are tremendous cultural icons, but I've never actually sat down and watched any of them straight through. Which is why it was a bit weird I decided to go see the newest Rocky flick last night.
I know that Philadelphia itself has been impacted by the films, and it's interesting that a fictional character has come to represent a city so well. Not only that, the people of Philadelphia are totally OK with their main representation coming from a movie character. Considering that they've booed Santa Claus (sorry to bring out that tired old sportswriter reference), Sylvester Stallone has to be pretty pleased with himself.
But to me, because of my personal unfamiliarity with the series, Rocky has essentially become nothing more than fodder for late-night television hosts and a movie to be re-shown over and over on cable television. Which is why I was surprised that I really, really enjoyed the Rocky Balboa last night.
I was a bit lost at the outset because the first hour of the movie features flashbacks to the earlier films, as well as Rocky (on the anniversary of his wife's death) visiting all the places the two of them had been. It's touching, of course, but I felt like I missed a lot of the significance.
But what did happen was that I discovered just how completely likable Rocky is as a character. He's a simple man, no doubts there, but he's awfully compassionate. That alone makes him endearing.
One subplot of the movie is his relationship with his now grown son (played by some twerp from Heroes), who can't escape his father's shadow and becomes resentful of how everyone just knows him as the Champ's Son. The turning point of the movie, for me, comes when he comes to his father to complain, and Rocky lowers the boom with a pretty well-crafted speech.
Which leads to me to the fact that surprised me most: Sylvester Stallone can act. Like, really. I'm aware that doing the Rambo series probably didn't help his reputation, but he really stands out in this movie. The Philly accent is dead-on (Okay, fine. I've never been to Philly. But whatever) and he goes through a lot of subtle mannerisms and inflections that give Rocky a lot of depth.
The dialogue from Rocky is also pretty solid; it's a good mix of dumb-yet-profound statements and funny little phrases ("Oh, Jamaican? So he's European.") that come across as strikingly realistic.
The point is, I'd hang out with Rocky any day.
And, if you're wondering, there is a training scene -- with the Rocky theme song. I got so pumped up that I headbutted Welty right there in the theater.
Sure, there were also a fair share of cheesy parts to the movie, but it's good cheese. The kind that doesn't make you feel guilty for enjoying it.
Considering the fairly mild expectations I had entering the movie, the movie rates as a solid B+ on my scale. Of course, I imagine I've just upped your expectations with a favorable review.
Sorry about that.
But yo, go see it anyway.
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Sometimes, people fight
Boy, we're all awfully cranky lately. Maybe it's the holidays and the stress that comes with it for a lot of people. Maybe it's the fact that Jason Marquis is now on the Cubs. Maybe everyone is upset they weren't named Time Magazine's person of the year.
But it seems that most people are cranky about the NBA brawl that took place this past weekend between the Nuggets and Knicks. Most notably (at least at high altitudes), Northwest Airlines is positively indignant, saying they will remove their in-flight magazine from their flights, because Carmelo Anthony is on the cover.
DETROIT -- Northwest Airlines has pulled an in-flight magazine that features NBA scoring leader Carmelo Anthony on the cover.
The Denver Nuggets star received a 15-game suspension from the league for his role in Saturday's brawl with the New York Knicks.
A Northwest spokesman said the airline didn't want to appear to condone the behavior of Anthony and other players during Saturday's game.
Chris Mannix, of SI.com, is outraged -- outraged! -- at the fight.
I'm an extremist. Brawls like this put a pox on a league desperate to prove it deserves to be as highly regarded as the NFL or Major League Baseball. Athletes who put fans at risk -- and make no mistake, that is exactly what several players did Saturday night -- deserve to be struck down with an iron fist, their punishment so severe that the mere thought of doing something like that again makes them cringe.Eli Gieryna, of TG10, doesn't give a rip.
Because athletes fight all the damn time. They're hyper-competitive people who wouldn't have reached this point in life if they weren't intense, tightly-wound individuals. And sometimes that passion and pride boils over in stupid ways.
How many bench-clearing brawls do we see every year in baseball? Ten? Twenty? Hockey players are practically required to get in fights, and many fans are disappointed if they don't see one. The NFL has plenty of pushing and shoving, and it'd go further if everyone wasn't entirely covered in padding.
But since the NBA suffered its second brawl in three seasons, the league has a "black eye" and a "serious problem" on its hands because of the ... wait for it ... the "thugs" that are tarnishing the game.
Malarkey.
Mike freaking Malarkey, I say.
Truth be told, I find it remarkable that this doesn't happen more often. Especially when the Knicks are involved. Whenever a bad team is getting pummeled, millionaire athletes get frustrated. Frustration leads to emotions and sometimes that boils over.
Need I mention again that a standard baseball fight will include up to 50 people? And those get shown on Sportscenter for our amusement, and then people forget that it happened.
Of course, rarely are baseball players referred to as "thugs." That's a whole other column though, I suppose. Sadly, it'll probably be written by Scoop Jackson.
Obviously the fight was wrong. And Carmelo Anthony did come across as less-than-tough when he threw a punch and then ran backwards. But it's just a fight. They happen all over the place between men (and women) every day. No one was killed. No one was even seriously hurt.
So all I'm saying is, calm down. Sometimes, people fight.
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Congratulations, you
It seems that Time Magazine has named you its Person of the Year for 2006.
Congratulations!
You totally deserve it.
Everyone feel free to post their acceptance speeches in the comments section.
Monday, December 18, 2006
I found something else
A huge pet peeve of mine. From an Associated Press article about Terrell Owens getting fined for spitting in DeAngelo Hall's face:IRVING, Texas (AP) -- Terrell Owens has 35,000 reasons to never spit at an opponent again.
T.O. was fined $35,000 by the NFL on Monday for spitting in the face of Atlanta cornerback DeAngelo Hall during Saturday night's Cowboys-Falcons game.
You see this all the time with sports reporters -- using a dollar as a "reason." It drives me nuts.
Also from a Chicago media outlet, after Alfonso Soriano was signed:
You may be asking: Is Alfonso Soriano thrilled to be a Cub? Well, if you're in doubt, let me give you 136 million reasons why the outfielder is excited.
Since when does one dollar equal one reason? I mean, why isn't 50 cents good enough to be a reason? When I was in elementary school, 50 cents was a good enough reason for some kids to eat a worm.
This device is not clever, it's not funny, it's certainly not interesting. So please stop saying it.
Anyone but the Bears
I'm totally baffled. Last year, the Bears had a solid season. It ended poorly in the playoffs against Carolina, but Chicago returned everyone of significance from that team.
When the early season favorites for the NFC were mentioned, we heard about Seattle, New York and Carolina. Then the season started, and those three teams slipped due to injuries or a general lack of depth. The Bears started off 7-0 and got a little bit of recognition, but it was always accompanied by grumblings of "how long can this really last?"
Well, the Bears are now 12-2. And all along the way, writers have tried to find a new NFC favorite. First it was the Giants. Then Minnesota. Then the Falcons (!). Then it was Dallas. Then New Orleans. And now ...
Don Banks, over at Spanish-Yes.com, writes that the Philadelphia Eagles may now be the favorites in the NFC.
Like I said, I'm just baffled at this point. I guess the predominant theory is that it's best to pick anyone but the Bears.
I know the NFC is bad. And I understand the Bears are a flawed team. Their defense is riddled with injuries and has struggled against both the run and pass as of late. Rex Grossman has been the embodiment of inconsistent this season. And if you're the type who places a lot of weight on off-the-field distractions, then the Tank Johnson saga is certainly one of the biggest distractions out there.
But you know what? The Bears are still a good team.
The defense still has plenty of playmakers, injuries aside. The Bears might have the best 1-2 running back punch in football, outside of San Diego. The receiving core is both deep and talented, for the first time in the history of Bears football. And Rex Grossman, for all his inconsistencies, has posted seven games this season with a QB rating above 100.
That, kiddies, is best in the NFL.
But I guess Philly, led by the game-managing corpse of Jeff Garcia, seems to be more impressive than the team with the best record in football. Maybe it has something to do with old quarterbacks.
Because the media loves -- really, they loooove -- fawning over old quarterbacks. Brad Johnson (who was benched for the third time this season yesterday) received much of it early in the year. Brett Favre is in every single one of Peter King's dreams. And we are now faced with the lovefest over Jeff Garcia.
I'm thinking that the Bears would be better served (in the media's eyes) if they were being guided by Jeff George. Or Doug Flutie. Or Terry Bradshaw.
Of course, they'd be far worse on the field. But the media's old-man lust would definitely be satiated.
Granted, I don't actually care all that much about what the sports media thinks. I think it's been proven time and time again that sportswriters are generally very ill-informed.
But it's Monday, and I need something to complain about. And that's what I'm doing.
So, in the meantime, remember to live every day like Tank Johnson. And go Bears.
(The 12-2, No. 1 seed in the NFC, home-field-advantage-throughout-the-playoffs Bears. Just in case you forgot.)
Saturday, December 16, 2006
The Bill Simmons Writing Tutorial, v. 1.0
So I was reading Bill Simmons' mailbag yesterday, and just reveling in the awesome amazingness of his never-ever-hackneyed prose and I decided that in addition to his ESPN columns, television appearances, radio show gigs and frequent trips to Starbucks with his dog, Bill should teach a writing seminar. After all, he used to be nothing but a simple Internet blogger, and his success should give hope to similar
So I contacted Bill and he got back to me quickly, which I really appreciate given how busy he is. Fresh to you, TG10 readers, is the Bill Simmons Writing Tutorial, v. 1.0.
_____________________________________________________
Hey guys! It's me, Bill Simmons. I'm just taking away a few moments from slapping my wife around and being the man of the family to give some pointers to you know-nothing scrubs out there.
So you want to be a writer? Well good freaking luck. It's almost impossible to do nowadays. You have to have a rare collection of talent, wit, drive, determination, Celtics pride, connections to Hollywood celebrities, a know-it-all mentality, a gambling addiction and lots of hot air.
Karate Kid!
Anyway, I don't have a lot of time to do this tutorial, because ESPN Classic is going to be showing a special on Larry Bird in 15 minutes, so this is going to have to be done quickly. But it will look like I spent a lot of time on it, because I have no filter and I can shoot off almost 580 words a minute.
So without further (Bob Mc)ado(o), here are my tips:
(By the way, did you notice I snuck in the name of a former Celtics player there? All writers should always try their best to make lots of references, because people feel like you know about lots of stuff.)
Lesson 1: Make lots of references.
This is huge. My buddy Hench called me the other day and we were talking about how much we hate J.D. Drew because we heard from a reader's friend's sister that it doesn't look like J.D. cares enough when he plays baseball. It's like baseball doesn't mean anything to him, and he makes this face that shows he doesn't care. I'm going to call it the J.D. Drew Face, even though I've never really watched him play baseball before. But I imagine it's the kind of face I make when I am sleeping, or maybe when I have to sit down and watch The Notebook with my bimbo wife, who only likes chick stuff. I want a divorce so I can marry Jimmy Kimmel.
Lesson 2: Talk about Jimmy Kimmel a lot
I used to write for Jimmy Kimmel's TV show, back when it was still on the air. But since he's the funniest guy ever, and I know him, you should always talk about him. See, look what I did yesterday during my mailbag when a reader asked a question about Britney Spears. Look right here, watch this technique I use when I answer his question, right here:
Britney peaked about five years ago. In fact, I wrote for Jimmy Kimmel for the AMA's last month and Britney wasn't even one of the top-10 best-looking female celebs in the building. My friend Raff has a great phrase to describe how she looked ...
See, not only did I mention Jimmy Kimmel, I also let you guys know that I wrote for him at the AMAs last month. That gives me lots of credibility. Plus, I also wanted to let you know that I saw lots of female celebrities, and they were so hot that Britney wasn't even one of the 10 hottest in the building. And I wish I didn't have any editors, because what Raff said was so funny about her.
Lesson 3: Talk about your buddies
It makes it look like people like you, and people with friends are always cooler. I have lots of friends. J-Bug, Raff, Hench, my dad ... yeah, we're all really close. They return my calls sometimes.
Lesson 4: Use big words in inexplicable places
I love saying "inexplicable." It's my goal to use it so much that it gets banned from the American lexicon.
See? Lexicon. Score. Like Larry Bird.
Lesson 5: You are smarter than everyone else
Well, you guys aren't. But I am. And that's what allows me to be the most successful sportswriter in America. If you were me, and I'm sorry that you aren't, you would point out how you knew that things weren't going to work out after they don't work out. For example, you'd mention how Ben Wallace isn't going to contribute anything to the Chicago Bulls and it's the worst signing ever just two days before he goes out and grabs 27 rebounds. See? I told you he was going to be a huge presence for Chicago. They look like the Eastern Division champs to me.
Lesson 6: Team chemistry is the most important sports attribute ever
Look at what I wrote here about Orlando Cabrera, former Boston Red Sox shortstop:
Second of all, Orlando Cabrera was clearly the Taylor Townsend of the 2004 Red Sox: Right when he showed up, they started winning; as soon as he left, they stopped winning big games; and few people ever adequately appreciated him when he was there or understood what he meant to that team.Two things to note there: I used a reference there. Refer to Lesson 2. Also, I don't really quantify why Orlando Cabrera was so important to the Red Sox. But since he put up a .320 OBP and was below-average offensively, it has to be because of chemistry. And chemistry is the most important thing in the game of baseball, because it's made up of nine players who all have to do their job individually and rarely actually affect one another's performance while on the field. This is why the Red Sox will all hate J.D. Drew, because he doesn't look like he cares when he plays. And because of that, David Ortiz will not be able to hit in clutch situations anymore, because during his at-bat he'll be remembering the look J.D. Drew was making during the 3rd inning.
Lesson 7: Hate the Yankees
Alex Rodriguez is a gay choker.
Lesson 8: Be a man
This is the most important, and final lesson. Like I told you earlier, sportswriters have to be men. We all know this. So you have to assert your masculinity at all times. Talk about how stupid your wife is (all she wants is shoes. Shoes, shoes, shoes.). Say that you take care of your daughter, but make sure to let everyone know that you don't like doing it, because children are for homos. Say that the WNBA is stupid and women shouldn't be allowed to have professional sports leagues, because people like me don't care about them at all. Then when you assert your warrior-male dominance, people will know that you're the boss and you know everything about sports.
These are the steps that will make you a successful writer. I have a few more to tell you, but I don't have the time. Gotta go watch the Basketball Jesus. Later, you idiot sucks.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Kanye West doesn't care about Evel!
Fights between quirky celebrities are always fun, especially when they are waged from opposite ends of the cultural spectrum. The newest tiff has Evel Knievel suing Kayne West over West's video for "Touch the Sky."
The video features Kanye West wearing a jumpsuit and attempting to jump over a canyon, much like Knievel did with Snake River Canyon in 1974.
Naturally, Knievel crashed. Kanye does the same in this video.
It seems that Knievel is most upset over his image being tarnished as a result of Kanye impersonating his likeness.
"That video that Kanye West put out is the most worthless piece of crap I've ever seen in my life, and he uses my image to catapult himself on the public," said Knievel.I just hate it when people do outlandish things to catapult themselves into the public view. Like I have always said, it's far more noble to change your name to "Evel" and jump a motorcycle over 19 flaming cars and a river in order to gain attention.
"The guy just went too far using me to promote his filth to the world," said Knievel. "I'm not in any way that kind of a person."I bet none of the 3.6 million people who bought Kanye's filth last year would have purchased the album if Knievel wasn't used to promote it. It was brilliant marketing by Kanye, really; many hip-hop fans are commonly known to love white, redneck men who were born in Montana. In 1938.
Also, speaking of filth, in 1984, Evel Knievel was arrested for soliciting an undercover policewoman for sex. His wife soon left him.
He also assaulted the vice president of 20th Century Fox with an aluminum baseball bat (while a friend was holding the VP on the ground) and pleaded guilty to battery.
In 1981, he was sued for $390,000 by the State of Montana for failing to pay his taxes. He has also been unable to reconcile with his estranged son.
So ... what were you saying, Evel?
Monday, December 11, 2006
Christmas in December. ... Wait.
Somewhere, a hipster is torn.
There's a stigma out there about many indie music fans. And that stigma is that they all hate Christmas music. Jesus, too.
However, paradoxically, they love Sufjan Stevens. So Stevens' newest release, a collection of 42 Christmas songs (including 17 of his own compositions) is sure to cause confusion among those who think Christmas and everything surrounding it is silly.
Those people can just deal with it, I say.
The story here is that Sufjan, starting in 2000, recorded a disc of Christmas songs that he would send to his family and friends. He did it each year, except for 2004, when he was recording Illinois. And now, he's decided to release all five discs together, along with some supplemental material, to the general public.
And you know, it's pretty darn good stuff.
He tackles a lot of the traditional Christmas songs that everyone knows (O Holy Night, We Three Kings, Little Drummer Boy, etc.) but he also delves into some lesser known songs, like "Lo How a Rose E'er Blooming."
Seriously?
Actually, he sings that twice. Same for "Once in Royal David's City." We always sing "Lo" on Christmas Eve at my church, and I find it a little bit boring, but it's still worth it to hear the treatment he gives the song. And I still find it cool that someone whose fan base is heavily composed of snobbish, cynical indie fans would deal with songs that are so blatantly Christian in nature.
Apparently Sufjan doesn't care. He's doing what he likes. Granted, it may not be as noble as it first appears, because he probably has enough cred at this point to release a 10-disc concept album about how he IS Jesus, and his fans would still call it a masterpiece.
Musically, there is some filler here, but there's a lot of good stuff to enjoy. Perhaps most interesting is hearing the development of his music over the course of five years. The first discs are very banjo-oriented, with plenty of plucky melodies and (more) simple arrangements. As it moves on, you hear a shift from that into more complex songs that feature plenty of the typical bells-and-whistles-and-flutes-backed-by-choral-voices that we heard on Illinois.
Of the traditional songs, if you're asking, I really like "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing" (though it's not a Christmas song), "O Holy Night," "We Three Kings," and "What Child is This?"
Among Sufjan's original stuff, he's put together a delightful, peppy song called "Come on! Let's Boogie to the Elf Dance!" that is just as much fun as it sounds. "It's Christmas Time" is another highlight that comes along later in the set.
So, not to steal Andrew Taylor-Hershberger's theme, but I would highly recommend this disc to anyone who enjoys Christmas music. And if you don't like Christmas music, you should buy it anyway -- because it just might change your mind.
Thursday, December 07, 2006
Banding together
I'm guessing that Eddy Curry playing defense against Ben Wallace is like ... well, I don't really know. I'm not feeling particularly great with analogies today. Feel free to post your own in the comments section.
However, what I am feeling great about is the Chicago Bulls. After another thrasing last night, this time over Philly, they've won six straight and are back to .500 on the season after a dreadful start.
I know, I know, the 76ers are terrible. Allen Iverson is all they have, now that Chris Webber is a shell of his former shell's shell, and Andre Iguodala hasn't improved since he was 18 years old.
But a thrashing is a thrashing.
It should also be noted that Bulls haven't lost since Ben Wallace wore his headband onto the court and simultaneously pissed off Scott Skiles AND Scoop Jackson.
Wallace gave some hints last night that he might have been trying to motivate the team by wearing the headband, which is his way of trying to take credit for the win streak. Lord knows he hasn't had anything to do with it on the court. He looks old, tired and a step slow out there. He's late on his rotations and (surprise!) contributes nothing offensively.
And this is in the first year of a 4-year, $60 million deal, mind you. I can't wait for Year Four. He'll need moon shoes just to block Earl Boykins.
No, the win streak has come courtesy of all the young players -- just like many were predicting. Luol Deng looks like an All-Star this year, and Andres Nocioni is continuing his career-long trend of getting better seemingly every game. Kirk Hinrich is his steady self, and even Tyrus Thomas is finally starting to look more comfortable out there.
Additionally, I love Thabo Sefolosha. He's going to be a lower-middle class man's Scottie Pippen.
With the East being as poor as it is, I'm probably a bit more excited than I'd normally be for this team. The Bulls could still realistically win 50 games, and that might be enough for a top-2 seed in the playoffs. I'm going to be most interested to see if Paxson brings in some sort of help near the trading deadline, since names like Ray Allen, Paul Pierce, Pau Gasol and, as always, Kevin Garnett, are being batted around.
If I had to bet (and I don't have to), I'd say that we won't see any major names coming to the Bulls during the season. Paxson is going to want to hang onto that first-round pick, because the Knicks (7-14) are certainly doing their best to make sure the Bulls have a shot at the No. 1 pick this spring. And we all know what that means:
Now, that would be truly exciting. Because if Greg Oden can dominate Urule Igbabova, there's no stopping him.
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Fantasy vs. reality
I've always wondered about NFL players and how many of them play fantasy football. ESPN has an article about this today, and it's a pretty good read.I liked the story about how Chris Cooley's huge three-touchdown game last season came when he was playing against himself in fantasy football. And it ended up costing him a win.
And, of course, the article wouldn't be complete without media-hog Tiki Barber chiming in. Check out what he has to say:
"In a game solely designed around the team concept, it's nice to have some individual recognition every now and then. Fantasy football does that.
"It's already the most popular sport, but it's a way for people to delve into the sport and get to know the individual players, which they probably wouldn't have an opportunity to do otherwise."
He later says that he only cares about getting the win, but I'm not so sure after reading the previous quote. I'm just concerned about Tiki in retirement; I hope people don't forget about him. That'd be tragic.
Anyway, the point is: my fantasy football teams are always terrible, and I hate it.
Monday, December 04, 2006
Hibachi!
This is just a brief note, but I think that everyone should learn more about Gilbert Arenas. Here are some notes about Gilbert:
∴ He has an air filtration system in his house that keeps the air thinner than normal, so Gilbert always feels like he is above sea level.
∴ He plays online poker during halftime of games.
∴ He owns, by his estimate, more than 7,000 DVDs.
∴ He never, ever goes out on the road, because he doesn't like leaving his hotel room in strange cities. He says he's gone out "six times in five years."
∴ Often practices at the Wizards' facility at 2 a.m.
∴ Most of his diet consists of Wendy's, Burger King, or other fast food places.
∴ When he gets a new cell phone, he calls it from his house phone and leaves voicemail after voicemail until the inbox fills up. That way, no one can leave him a message.
∴ Sleeps on the couch in his house.
These sound like Chuck Norris facts, but they aren't. These are things that a real, live, very visible human being does. I'm concerned.
Now, Gilbert has started yelling out "Hibachi!" every time he releases a shot. Literally, he gets the ball, screams "Hibachi!" and then releases the ball toward the basket. This is from a guy who will sometimes take 30 shots per game.
This is what Gilbert had to say about it:
"You know, a hibachi grill gets real hot. That's what my shot's like, so I've been calling it that: 'Welcome to the hibachi.'"
Of course, Gilb's averaging 25 points, 4 boards and nearly six assists a game this season, so, uhh ... whatever works, I guess.
Sunday, December 03, 2006
Rex Grossman is terrible at football
There. How's that for a clever headline about Rex and the Bears?
Fortunately for the Bears, the other 21 starters are very good at their jobs. Especially the 11 guys who line up on defense and spend most of their time simply stealing the ball from opposing offenses. I was watching the game today and after the defense picked off Brad Johnson for the 9th time, I thought of Creed Bratton, from The Office:
"Oh, I steal things all the time. It's just something I do. I stopped caring a long time ago. Honestly, I love stealing things."It's just something the Bears defense does.
Six turnovers, a handful of sacks and a safety. Another typical day for the best unit in the NFL.
On the other end of things, Grossman was 6-for-19 for 34 yards with three interceptions. That all accumulates into a 1.3 passer rating. That's not Kyle Orton bad. It's not Chad Hutchinson bad. It's not Shane Mathews bad. It's not even Henry Burris bad. It's drunken-blind-concussed Kordell Stewart bad.
And sadly, there isn't really much the Bears can do about it. There are lots of people calling for Brian Griese to start, as if a career journeyman (he's played for four teams in the last five years; that's a journey, man) is the answer to all of the Bears' troubles.
He's not.
He's Brian Griese.
If you yank Rex and let Griese take over, there's no guarantee that it's going to make things better. You'll hear that Griese will do a better job of "managing the game", which doesn't actually mean anything. It's just a term tossed around by broadcasters that really means "this quarterback poses no real threat."
In a sense, I'd like to see what Griese can do. But I think the risk, as of now, is too great. If Grossman is benched, you've basically given up on him. And if Griese is bad -- and there is a very real chance of that -- how can you go back to Rex? And what about next year? The Bears will have a still-young quarterback with nothing but funny eyebrows and a shattered psyche.
At this point, the situation is akin to having eaten nothing but broccoli for about two months. You're sick of it, it's not doing much good, and you feel like you're ready for a change. However, the only other option is to switch to spinach. And there's a 50 percent chance that the spinach is ridden with ecoli.
Any way you look at it, you're still eating nothing but vegetables, day after day after day.
Yuck.
Friday, December 01, 2006
Well, we really wanted you in. But OK. Nevermind.
Now, I love Kansas City. Really. Nice people, the Plaza, great barbecue, jazz music, the Paseo (huh?), and once again, nice people. But the sports landscape there is, well, less than sterling. This is almost entirely due to the Royals, because at least the Chiefs have Larry Johnson.
This, however, could be a new low. It seems that Bret Saberhagen said that he would refuse Hall of fame induction unless Pete Rose was allowed into the Hall of Fame.
In other news:
∴ Ike Turner will refuse "Husband of the Year" honors unless they are first awarded to O.J. Simpson.
∴ Jay Mariotti told the Pulitzer committee to "shove it", saying that if Barry Rozner can't have one, he doesn't want one either.
This Saberhagen development is troubling, for a couple reasons. The first, of course, is that Bret Saberhagen isn't a Hall of Fame player. So it's silly for him to even make that sort of threat. He did win two Cy Youngs, but his closest comparisons on Baseball Reference are John Candelaria, Ron Guidry and Ed Lopat. Solid players, but not an illustrious list.
The other major issue is his support of Pete Rose, who is well-known as having gambled on baseball games. While managing them. Whoops.
"I'd have to decline," Saberhagen said by phone. "I wouldn't accept it unless the Hall decides to put Pete Rose in, which is where he belongs. You're talking about the all-time hits leader. It's never been proven that he bet on baseball while he played."
No, I don't suppose it has been proven. Meaning, Rose has never officially admitted it, in a written statement, that was signed, sealed and delivered to the commish's office. But there is major evidence against him, and Rose always gives one of those non-denial denials when talking about it. Plus, his ceaseless campaigning to actually get into the Hall of Fame is irritating. He's like Ron Santo, with 2,002 more hits, and two more legs.
At least Saberhagen is realistic about his chances:
"Being in consideration is certainly an honor," Saberhagen said. "And certainly the numbers aren't quite what they could have been if I hadn't been hurt as much. (Eli's note: Boo. Hoo.)
"But whether or not I get in, or whatever happens, I don't think that will define my career in my mind. I felt I gave it everything I had at all times. I'm not one of those guys who would go around and advertise it if I got in. There are some guys who will sign their name and then sign 'HOF' underneath it. That wouldn't be me."
No, I guess it wouldn't be.