Sunday, January 21, 2007
NFC Championship Game: Running Diary
The Bears haven't been to a Super Bowl since I was two years old (the Cubs should be so lucky), so with a chance for the team to get there today, I thought I'd go ahead and document what happens during the game. I'll be writing in occasionally throughout the game with comments and thoughts, starting just before kickoff.
If you're interested, stop on by and say hello. And with that said, go Bears.
12:36 p.m. I did not know the Bears would have to contend with the newest fans of the New Orleans Saints. I feel less certain about the outcome now.
1:07Joe Horn is out for the Saints. This is the seventh game he's missed, and the Saints have played fine without him, but it's still good news for the Bears.
1:34 I want Frank Caliendo to suffer a horrible, horrible fate.
1:49 Terry Bradshaw just danced with a woman on the porch of her New Orleans home. The woman then said that "If the Saints can go to the Super Bowl, anything can happen." And now Bradshaw is close to crying as the camera comes back and he's apparently "scared to death" about Fred Thomas against the Bears' receivers. Overall, it was just a five-minute train wreck of television.
1:52 CHRIS DAUGHTERY FROM AMERICAN IDOL!
1:53 CHRIS DAUGHTERY FROM AMERICAN IDOL IS CRYING WHILE SINGING THE NATIONAL ANTHEM! This is OUR country!
1:57 [whisper]$2.99[/whisper]
2:02 Rex Grossman just took the field. At least half of the women inside Soldier Field are now pregnant.
2:06 FOX just showed a stat that dome teams are 0-9 in outdoor championship games since 1970. Can't wait for the Bears to screw that up.
2:07 Kickoff! Return goes nowhere and the Saints start at the 19-yard line.
2:10 The Bears get a sack to push the Saints out of field goal range. Huge play there by the D. The Saints, terrified of Devin Hester, then punt the ball practically through the end zone. Rex Grossman is going to take the field and the world will prepare itself.
2:12 I just realized that this live blog is a bad idea since I am too nervous to type.
2:15 Bears go nowhere on three lame plays and they punt to Reggie Bush. He gets drilled by Adrian Peterson downfield. The field is disgusting.
2:21 Another big play as Brees is sacked and fumbles the ball away. FALL ON THE BALL.
2:21 The Bears didn't listen to me. But they did force a punt and gained 20 yards in field position.
2:24 Ron Turner won't run the football today. This is going to be ugly.
2:26 The Diet Pepsi voiceover commercial with the football players is awful. It lacks everything necessary to be a good advertisement.
2:32 Colston fumbles. Bears recover. The defense looks to be back.
2:35 Terrible play calling by the Bears. First and goal on the two yard line, you run the ball in. Run. Run. Run. Run. Stupid. Bears take the field goal and are up 3-0.
2:42 First Peyton Manning commercial of the day. His forehead is still a biological wonder.
2:45 FUMBLE ON THE KICKOFF! Bears get it. Third fumble of the day for the Saints and I am all warm and fuzzy right now.
2:48 My warmness and fuzziness is tempered because Rex looks completely confused today. He has the look of a man who might out-turnover New Orleans, and they have a three TO lead.
2:51 Gould drills a field goal and it's 6-0 Bears. That's a good sign and I'm going to eat some cake and take a break.
2:53 CAKE!
3:06 Bears defense holds up again. We get the first sign of competence from Grossman as he hits Desmond Clark for a long gain. Benson runs a bit and we get another Gould field goal. 9-0. I want a touchdown.
3:07 Preview for 24. Jack Bauer is playing outside linebacker today for the Bears. He's going to shoot Reggie Bush in the knee.
3:10 Urlacher and Jack Bauer just drilled Reggie Bush on a dump-off pass. And a great play by Charles Tillman to break up a third-down pass.
3:12 Joe Buck, smarmy as ever, keeps expressing surprise that the Bears' defense is playing well.
3:20 Thomas Jones is single-handedly taking the Bears downfield. Best of all, Rex Grossman isn't having to do anything. JR is begging for the Bears to pass to Desmond Clark. Sorry, JR. The Sex Cannon shouldn't pass for the rest of the day.
3:22 THOMAS JONES. TOUCHDOWN. 16-0 BEARS.
3:25You say "National Football League." I say it's okay to abbreviate.
3:30 And this is why you need to score touchdowns when it's first-and-goal on the 2. Colston scores. 16-7 Bears just before halftime.
3:32 I'm pretty sure Rex Grossman is drunk, given his performance today.
3:34 Halftime. I'm fearful of the Bears' second half gameplan, which probably involves lots of 50 yard pass attempts and copious amounts of falling down.
3:52 And we're back. True to my above statement, Rex threw a 50-yard pass and Bernard Berrian fell down. Punt.
3:55 [whisper]$2.99[/whisper]
3:56 Reggie Bush 88 yard touchdown. I just vomited on my laptop.
3:59 Three minutes later. Still stunned. Can't wait to see how Ron Turner responds. Probably with three passes.
4:02 It's now past 4:00 p.m. and Rex Grossman is still terrible at football.
4:12 I don't feel so good.
4:19 GROUNDING! SAFETY! Thank you, Unflappable Drew Brees! Now let's just keep letting the defense score. 18-14 Bears.
4:22 Another terrible showing by Rex. 3 and out. Bring in Brian Griese.
4:34 33-yard touchdown to Berrian. And Rex proves me wrong for now. That's one of the best catches you'll ever see. 25-14 Bears.
4:39 Ogunleye sacks Brees and forces a fumble. Brees is ruled down, and Lovie challenges. And now I'm waiting .......... and the BEARS HAVE THE BALL.
4:41 This is a terrible blog post, I know. Apologies to you who are reading it. But I'm far too emotionally wrecked to try and be witty or insightful.
4:42 BEARS!!!!!!!!!
4:45 Cedric Benson. Touchdown. 32-14 Bears. I am completely unintelligible.
4:51 Vasher interception. I can't even type. Bears ball, up 18 points, 10:30 to go.
4:52 [whisper]$2.99[/whisper]
4:59 Mark Andersen is an absolute monster. 7:28 left, Bears up 32-14.
5:01 XLI.
5:04 THOMAS JONES TD! 39-14. Where's Dennis Green? Someone crown the Bears.
5:08 Bears take the ball back with 3:24 left. I'm signing off on this. I'll be back with more coherent thoughts tomorrow.
SUPER BOWL!!! Incredible.
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The Chicago Bears are one game away from their first Super Bowl since 1985. They are a team of destiny and the only thing standing in their way is a team called the Saints and a forecast for snow. The official HE SAID SHE SAID prediction: Bears 24, Saints 17
Go Bears!
-He Said She Said
www.hesaidshesaidlove.blogspot.com
Advertising is $0.79 per word.
You owe me $47.40.
What the fuck? You charged me $0.89 per word. And also, you made me do that special favor.
Jack Bauer will be playing quarterback in the second half.
He'll go 14-for-18 for 188 yards and 2 TDs.
Can you imagine if the Sex Cannon had hit the wide-open Clark now? It would be 20-0. Perhaps that is not interesting.
DESMOND CLARK!
Desmond Clark. What a blocker.
This post reminds me of the classic novella "Flowers For Algernon," presented in diary form from the point of view of a mentally handicapped protagonist. As experiments increase his brain capacity, his writing evolves from misspelled and inarticulate dribble to scientific, profound and introspective thoughts using high-brow vocabulary.
Something goes wrong with the experiments, though, and the latter half of the diary entries are spent going in the other direction, back to where we started. Here we have your post.
However, the 2.99 references were lovely and overall, I think this is a gripping snapshot of your slow, luscious madness as it descends upon your Bear-Loving Brain. Don't delete it.
Wait ... you have a laptop?