Monday, December 18, 2006
I found something else
A huge pet peeve of mine. From an Associated Press article about Terrell Owens getting fined for spitting in DeAngelo Hall's face:IRVING, Texas (AP) -- Terrell Owens has 35,000 reasons to never spit at an opponent again.
T.O. was fined $35,000 by the NFL on Monday for spitting in the face of Atlanta cornerback DeAngelo Hall during Saturday night's Cowboys-Falcons game.
You see this all the time with sports reporters -- using a dollar as a "reason." It drives me nuts.
Also from a Chicago media outlet, after Alfonso Soriano was signed:
You may be asking: Is Alfonso Soriano thrilled to be a Cub? Well, if you're in doubt, let me give you 136 million reasons why the outfielder is excited.
Since when does one dollar equal one reason? I mean, why isn't 50 cents good enough to be a reason? When I was in elementary school, 50 cents was a good enough reason for some kids to eat a worm.
This device is not clever, it's not funny, it's certainly not interesting. So please stop saying it.
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Eli my boy, I love you. Possibly sexually. But you are wrong, this time.
I see your point in the latter article, which is a more run of the mill example. But the former is clever and made me giggle. You see, it's poking fun at the recent not-quite-suicide fiasco, when Owens' publicist said he had 25 million reasons to live. That writer obviously agrees with your apt assessment that dollar values are often foolishly equated with "reasons," and he's poking fun at a situation where such absurdity was brought to the forefront. He is one of us.
Oh.
Well. Fine.
Eli has zero reasons to be happy with that exchange.
I have about a billion reasons to delete this post.
Anyone who can do riffs on Jay-Z's "99 problems" in the news, though, gets my approval.
This is probably more of a "Sportscenter" anchor catchphrase, though, like "Sidney Crosby has 99 problems, but the puck ain't one!"
Or, "T.O. has 99 problems, but the pills ain't one!"
Too soon?