Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Love Lou

When you throw a base, you have to get extension, like this.


The Cubs released Lou Piniella's lineup for the first spring training game tomorrow. Here it is:

1. Alfonso Soriano
2. Matt Murton
3. Derrek Lee
4. Aramis Ramirez
5. Jacque Jones
6. Michael Barret
7. Mark DeRosa
8. Cesar Izturis
9. Jason Marquis

This is wonderful. He's got Murton hitting second, and the two worst hitters in the order batting 7th and 8th (Marquis is better hitter than Izturis). It's perfect. It makes sense. And after years of awful Dusty Baker lineups, it's refreshing.

In fact, the Cubs also released the order Dusty sent to Lou in an e-mail, as a "suggestion."

1. Neifi Perez
2. Tom Goodwin
3. Derrek Lee
4. Aramis Ramirez
5. Gene Clines
6. Darren Baker Neifi Perez Jacque Jones
7. Jose Macias
8. Michael Barrett
9. Jason Marquis

It's good to have you gone, Dusty.

Posted by Eli @ 11:51 AM :: (6) comments

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

I'm alive

Brr.


This is not an actual photo from Galesburg this weekend, but it might as well have been. I apologize for my week-long absence, and also for the fact that you had to look at a dreamy photo of Alex Rodriguez and Derek Jeter each time you were here. Anyway, I choose to use bullet points to update you.

Posted by Eli @ 7:48 AM :: (1) comments

Monday, February 19, 2007

As the Bronx turns

Smooch.


Tim Hardaway will be pleased to know that Alex Rodriguez says that he and Derek Jeter are no longer close.
"We were best of friends about 10, 13, 14, years ago, and we still get along well. We have a good working relationship. I cheer very hard for him. He cheers hard for me. And most importantly, we're both trying to win a world championship."
That's nice.
"The reality is there's been a change in the relationship over 14 years and, hopefully, we can just put it behind us. You go from sleeping over at somebody's house five days a week, and now you don't sleep over. It's just not that big of a deal."
I'm giggling.

It's spring training. There are dozens of fantastic storylines that the press can follow. However, we're subjected to a long-winded article about the friendship of two athletes that most of the country dislikes.

Wake me when they get in a fight, or get married, or something.

Posted by Eli @ 11:04 AM :: (5) comments

Saturday, February 17, 2007

Caption this

Posted by Eli @ 9:47 AM :: (4) comments

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Now it's interesting

What! You're gay, too?!


I found myself bored by the John Amaechi coming-out story that has been on the news recently. Aside from a mildly questionable reaction from LeBron James, there hasn't been much to report other than a former journeyman NBA player coming out in order to make some cash.

But now we get this. Tim Hardaway, who was previously best-known for the most devastating crossover in basketball, is now just known as a horrible, ignorant homophobe.

Let's take a look at what Timmy has to say about gay people.
"You know, I hate gay people, so I let it be known. I don't like gay people and I don't like to be around gay people. I am homophobic. I don't like it. It shouldn't be in the world or in the United States."
Other than the obvious problems with this statement, I like that he somehow separates the United States from the rest of the world.
"And second of all, if he was on my team, I would, you know, really distance myself from him because, uh, I don't think that's right. And you know I don't think he should be in the locker room while we're in the locker room. I wouldn't even be a part of that."
Yikes.

Of course, at the end of the article, we're left with the note that Hardaway has since apologized for his remarks.
"Yes, I regret it. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said I hate gay people or anything like that. That was my mistake."
That's the least sincere apology since David Carradine apologized to Uma Thurman and then shot her in the head.

Regardless, it's unfortunate that Hardaway feels this way. And it's unfortunate that he feels it's OK to say these things, then try and wipe it away with a lame sentence or two. And most of all, it's unfortunate that there are hundreds of millions of people out there who feel exactly the same way Tim Hardaway does.

Posted by Eli @ 7:24 AM :: (4) comments

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

The day the laughter died

Why?


I saw this movie advertised on TV last night, and the voiceover called it "the comedy event of the spring."

This is going to be a terrible spring.

Posted by Eli @ 9:16 AM :: (1) comments

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Zambrano asks for money, walks three hitters

My screenname is CarlosBigZzamBrANo


Carlos Zambrano, who I once thought could do no wrong, has done some wrong.

This is the first spring training in several years where people have actually had a reason to be excited about the Cubs, and maybe even a little reasonably hopeful. There's a new manager and a bunch of new players, and there's some reason for optimism heading into spring training.

But Carlos Zambrano had to open his mouth about how he's going to leave the team at the end of the year if Carlos Zambrano doesn't get his money. It's selfish, it's misguided and it's irresponsible.

There's no point in him coming out before the season and making threats like this to the general manager. What exactly does that accomplish? All it does it make everyone nervous, and puts tremendous pressure on Jim Hendry to sign him immediately.

Maybe if Carlos Zambrano wants his big payday, Carlos Zambrano should stop walking 115 batters per season. And maybe he'd win more ballgames if he could get through 8 innings without throwing 120 pitches.

Posted by Eli @ 7:50 AM :: (4) comments

Monday, February 12, 2007

Tidbits from a league no one cares about

Oops.


• Nice work by Gilbert Arenas last night, totally following through on botching his prediction that he'd score 50 points against the Blazers. Arenas managed a sterling nine points as the Wizards lost to the Blazers.

After the game, Wiz coach Eddie Jordan has some choice words for Arenas.
"Leadership is something that's very special. Very special. And we don't have that. But Antawn [Jamison] has that, and that's why he's the only captain on the team. I've tried to have name guys the last couple of years be captains, and it doesn't work, because they don't have the qualities."

At the time he made the prediction, I thought it was great showmanship, but it didn't really turn out that way. Poor Gilbert.

Since an absolutely torrid first few months to the season, Arenas has tanked as of late. In February, he's shooting 31 percent from the field and his assists are down to just four per contest. He's also resorted to jacking up an incredible amount of three-pointers, Hibachi-ing almost nine per game.

I'm sure he'll bounce back, but he's horrendous to watch right now.

• Ricky Davis smacked his former team in the face last night, drilling a jumper with 0.2 seconds left to win it for the Timberwolves. Ricky was thrilled. So were the Celtics, who have now lost 18 straight and have the leg up on Greg Oden or Kevin Durant.

John Amaechi is gay! Gay, you hear me! And retired! Wait. Tell me again why this is such a big story?

• The Bulls looked pretty good last night (except for about five minutes in the third quarter) in beating the Steve Nash-less Suns. Luol Deng, Kirk Hinrich and Ben Gordon combined to score 85 points and get a much-needed road win.

After taking more time to digest the Pau Gasol talk, I've decided that Gordon is the one that has to be traded. Hinrich and Deng do too much defensively -- Deng completely shut down Shawn Marion last night -- and they can score in too many ways to let them go. Hinrich runs the offense, and Deng is seriously about five minutes away from being a superstar. Gordon is a pure scorer, which is great, but he's totally reliant on the jumper and he doesn't distribute as well as he should.

Sorry, little Ben. Enjoy Memphis.

Posted by Eli @ 8:52 AM :: (7) comments

Saturday, February 10, 2007

The bearded Spaniard

Sing me Spanish techno.


When you're a Chicago sports fan, your sports lessons mostly center around disappointment and frustration. Personally, the Cubs made me an expert in the first one, and the Bears (Rex Grossman, specifically) do a good job of honing the frustration factor.

But I think it's the Bulls that best combine the two.

After last night's 123-121 overtime loss to the Golden State Warriors, I realized that the Bulls probably just aren't that good.

There's the disappointment.

And after some thought, I couldn't exactly figure out why they weren't better.

Cue frustration.

The worst part about this team is the horrendous home-road disparity. Coming into the season, Scott Skiles preached that the Bulls had to take care of business on their home court, and then let the road wins come to them. They've done the first part, going 20-6 at the United Center. But they're 8-17 away from Chicago, which is the worst disparity in the league (though Toronto is close with an 18-7/9-16 split).

Maybe I'm mistaken, but aren't all basketball courts the same? Does Skiles need to whip out the tape measure and pull a Hoosiers-style measurement, letting everyone know that the baskets are ten feet tall at every arena in the league?

On second thought, that might help Tyrus Thomas.

Looking at the makeup of the team, they've got key elements in place. Kirk Hinrich is having his most efficient season, shooting better and distributing the ball. Luol Deng has emerged as one of the best slashers and mid-range shooters in the Eastern Conference. And Ben Gordon, while a bit inconsistent, is easily having his best season. Ben Wallace, despite being a general bust, is still an asset on defense.

So what's missing? There's got to be something missing that every single championship team has ever had.

Okay, brief correction. The late-90s Bulls didn't really have it, but they had Michael Jordan and Scottie Pippen, so they don't count.

But most great NBA teams have an inside presence. And the Bulls don't.

It's not even that their inside options are simply mediocre. The Bulls flat out don't have any inside options. None. Ben Wallace is a total offensive catastrophe. PJ Brown has one post move, and that's the one where he spins to his left and gets his shot blocked. Michael Sweetney can't play more than six minutes at a time, and has trouble catching the basketball, usually because he has a Reuben sandwich in one hand. Tyrus Thomas has all the offensive prowess of an intoxicated Craig Ehlo.

These problems became apparent last night when the Bulls needed a score and worked the ball down low to Wallace, who dribbled with his back to the basket for five full seconds, then spun and launched a 12-foot fadeaway jumper that barely drew iron.

Not the way to win a ballgame.

Fortunately, for the Bulls, there's a great low post option available. He's Spanish, he's got a beard and his first name is comprised of 66 percent vowels.

For the record, I am not Spanish, nor do I have a beard. But I can still score on the block better than Ben Wallace.

It's Pau Gasol, and John Paxson needs to go and get him. I'm convinced that Pax is just waiting around until Memphis' offer comes down, but he already has in mind what he's willing to give up. There's some speculation that the deal could get done without giving up Hinrich, Deng or Gordon, but I find myself skeptical of that.

Deng is the most expendable, despite oddly being the best player of the three. But Memphis doesn't need a small forward, and probably would want Hinrich or Gordon. I say give 'em up.

Sure it's a risk to give one of those guys up and insert Chris Duhon into the lineup, but something needs to happen. By signing Ben Wallace for $60 million, the Bulls made the decision to try and win soon; it can't be done with a team totally reliant on jump shots.

Unless the Bulls can convince Jordan to come back out of retirement, they're not winning without someone in the post. And Jordan isn't coming back.

Though I bet he could still put up 18 a night.

Posted by Eli @ 7:09 AM :: (6) comments

Thursday, February 08, 2007

If he died, I'd be okay with that

Jackass.


Rush Limbaugh thinks that the media is being unfair to Rex Grossman simply because he's white.

Really.

So, there's that.

Posted by Eli @ 6:07 PM :: (7) comments

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

This is just ridiculously early

It's February.


Football's over. And I'm sort of glad, because that means that baseball is up next, and that's what really matters. So I present to you JR and Eli's way-too-early picks (have I mentioned that it's the first week of February?!) for the upcoming major league baseball season. So sit back and read all about baseball, a full month before you even wanted to. Sigh. This could take a while.

American League East Winner
JR says: Toronto

Why not start as irrationally as possible? They were 10 games behind the Yankees for the top spot last year, but very quietly took second in the East, a game ahead of Boston. I simply love the way they are building their team, taking low-risk flyers on folks like John Thomson and Tomo Ohka, both extremely quality pitchers if they're healthy. Roy Halladay is a freak when healthy, and I sense a bit of a comeback season from AJ Burnett. Their infield is underwhelming, but their outfield has potentially two frontline studs in Wells and Rios, and having Frank Thomas in the middle of the lineup will compensate for any power shortage from the infield. The Yankees might have the best outfield in baseball, but they're quickly becoming the aging San Francisco Giants of the East, and their pitching staff is becoming devoid of surefire wonders. But who am I kidding, they'll probably win the East.

Eli says: Boston
It only makes sense. The team wasn't that far away last season, and they've had the best offseason of any American League team. I won't deny that there are potentially serious bullpen issues, but the starting rotation is headlined by Curt Schilling, Jon Papelbon, Josh Beckett and Daisuke Matsuzaka. All four of those pitchers have No. 1 starter potential. And how can Boston be mentioned without the offense? JD Drew is an OBP monster and will fit nicely among Manny and Ortiz. Don't forget, Julio Lugo, Kevin Youkilis, Coco Crisp, Jason Varitek and Wily Mo Pena are all threats in the lineup. If Boston adds Roger Clemens mid-season, it's all but over. Toronto gets some sleeper consideration, but I don't think they have the offensive talent to match up with the other clubs in the division. Especially Baltimore. What?

American League Central Winner
JR says: Detroit

I had every intention of dogging the Tigers' chances of doing what they did in 2006, but they still have one thing that I'm not convinced the other teams in the crowded Central have: pitching. Joel Zumaya has sophomore slump written all over him, especially if he keeps playing Guitar Hero, but Verlander, Bonderman, Robertson and Maroth are still around, with some peak years among them, and Kenny Rogers and Jose Mesa will give plenty of wise sage advice where necessary. Virtually nothing from last year's team has departed, whereas I'm not in love with any of the other Central pitching staffs (Minnesota has the guns, but RAMON ORTIZ?). Sleeper to watch is the one disappointing team last year: Cleveland.

Eli says: Minnesota
The Twins were the best team in this division -- by far -- after June last year, and I only expect it to continue into this season. The pitching staff is headlined by not only the best 1-2 punch in baseball, but possibly the best two pitchers in baseball. Yes, I think Francisco Liriano is that good (Postscript: he's also a big pansy and is missing the 2007 season without telling me; everything I have written above is rendered moot, unless you want to say that Johan Santana and Boof Bonser are the best 1-2 punch in baseball. And sure, why not? All hail Boof!). The bullpen is anchored by rock-solid Joe Nathan and a cast of strong setup men. And the offense, which was fine last season, is young and continually improving. If Joe Mauer and Justin Morneau continue to improve, the Twins could grow into the best team in baseball. The White Sox and Tigers are going to continue to regress, and neither club did enough in the offseason to improve. In fact, it appears as if the White Sox got worse. On purpose. That should be a fun summer on the South Side.

American League West Winner
JR says: Anaheim.

Nothing solid other than a hunch here. Vlad Guerrero was obviously not fully healthy last year, else his numbers would have been closer to the insane career norms he has. Pitching had injury problems, namely to Bartolo Colon, and I like how this team has proven veterans mixed in with one of the game's greatest farm systems. John Lackey is one of the best pitchers in baseball that nobody talks about.

Eli says: Oakland
Sure. It's true. I have a rabid, mostly heterosexual crush on Billy Beane. But it's hard to argue with the man's results since he took over in Oakland. The team just continues to get it done. They lost Barry Zito to a criminally insane contract, but I think they'll be able to overcome it; a staff headed by Dan Haren, Rich Harden and Joe Blanto isn't anything to sneeze at. Blanton had a miserable 2006 season and should rebound to post solid numbers. The offense is paced by the A's never-ending stable of young studs and they're counting on internal improvement to get them back into the playoffs. The return of Bobby Crosby at shortstop will help immensely. I won't totally rule out the Angels, not with Howie Kendrick being a threat to hit .330. With a .338 OBP. Okay, I'm sticking with the A's.

Wild Card
JR says: New York. (I'm not THAT stupid.)
Eli says: New York. (Too much offense to be left out.)

American League Awards
MVP: Travis Hafner, Cleveland (JR)
Alex Rodriguez, New York (Eli)

Cy Young: Johan Santana, Minnesota (JR)
Johan Santana (Eli)

Rookie of the Year: Matt Garza, Minnesota (JR)
Daisy Matsuzaka, Boston (Eli)

First to get steroid suspension: Delmon Young, Tampa Bay (JR)
Travis Hafner, Cleveland (Eli)

Breakout player: John Lackey, Anaheim (JR)
Alex Gordon, Kansas City

First manager fired: Sam Perlozzo, Baltimore (JR)
Ozzie Guillen, Chicago (Eli)

National League East Winner
JR says: Philadelphia

This assumes Ryan Howard avoids the post-breakout blues and continues to mash. Signing Chase Utley long term was a nice thing, and the thing I loved about the Phillies last year was that they performed well after trading away regulars like Bobby Abreu and David Bell (not that the latter one hurt all that badly). They seem to have a surplus of pitching (Myers, Garcia, Moyer, Hamels, Eaton, Lieber) that will pay off given an injury and they're solid across the board offensively.

Eli says: New York
David Wright says hello, JR. So do Jose Reyes, Carlos Beltran, Carlos Delgado, Tom Glavine and Billy Wagner. Lastings Milledge would also chime in, but he's getting ready to swing at every pitch thrown anywhere near him. It's tempting to pick against the Mets for being too old in certain areas, but the fact is that there's simply too much talent left on the roster to discount them yet. The rotation is a little bit thin, but they do have some high-upside depth in John Maine, Mike Pelfrey and Oliver Perez. And for the record, since we're going with the early theme, I'm already picking the Marlins to win this division in 2008.

National League Central Winner
JR says: Houston

What a horrible division. I really want to pick the improved Brewers or the vastly improved (if not overpaying) Cubs, and I don't like Houston because their pitching is somewhat suspect after Roy Oswalt. Then again, they've had good luck with some stop gaps like Wandy Rodriguez and Taylor Buchholz in the past, and Roger Clemens could very well be on his way back in mid-May. Even if Carlos Lee is atrocious defensively, they have that masher in the middle of the order to accompany Berkman, and given their park, I would say the team will have its share of long balls. I almost pick this team as a de facto winner, even with perennial power St. Louis in the mix. Kip Wells will be their No. 3 starter on Opening Day. Not even Houston is in that big of a hole.

Eli says: Chicago
Well, I've gone and done it. After cursing this team for the past two years, swearing them off for good and muttering about picking a team with my brain and not my heart ... here I am. I'm picking the Cubs. But really, it's hard to argue that they don't have the most top-to-bottom talent in the division. They have three monsters in the middle of the order (Derrek Lee, Aramis Ramirez, Alfonso Soriano), and Jacque Jones, Matt Murton and Michael Barrett make nice complementary players. Hell, even Cliff Floyd serves a nice purpose, as long as he's healthy. The bullpen is stacked 1-6, with Ryan Dempster possibly being the worst pitcher in the 'pen. Carlos Zambrano is a stud, Rich Hill is ready to break out, and Ted Lilly provides efficient, solid innings. For the last two spots, the Cubs finally have depth, being able to choose from Jason Marquis, Mark Prior or Wade Miller to fill those. And, of course, the other part of the equation is that the rest of the division is terrible. But as the Cardinals showed last year, you just gotta get into the playoffs. And have a midget for a shortstop. In case you're wondering, Cesar Izturis is only 5-foot-7. And I hear he's been working on his grit all winter down in Venezuela.

National League West Winner
JR says: San Diego

It's going to be a spirited battle between the Padres and Dodgers. The latter has Penny, Lowe, Schmidt, Billingsley and Wolf with an impressive bullpen that includes Saito and Broxton. But the Padres have the best pitching in the league, with Peavy, Young, Maddux, Wells, Hensley, Thompson and Stauffer, along with bullpen studs Hoffman, Linebrink and Meredith. Throw in an extra Giles and you have some decent offensive positions ... but the problem is that nobody will be scared of their lineup unless Kevin Kouzmanoff and Adrian Gonzalez reveal themselves to be power-swatting studs. The Dodgers have slightly more to work with offensively.

Eli says: Los Angeles
This division also sucks. Man, every team I root for players in an inferior league. Cubs, Bears, Bulls. What's the deal? Anyway. Brad Penny, Derek Lowe, Jason Schmidt and Chad Billingsley is a nice start to a rotation. Heck, the fifth starter spot is held by Randy Wolf, which was a brilliant risk by Ned Colleti --he could wind up being the best bargain of the offseason. In fact, it's entirely possible the Dodgers could have the best pitching in the National League this year (once again, the National League sucks). I would have L.A.'s chances better if they hadn't allowed Juan Pierre to be anywhere near their team, but they still have some offensive talent with Rafael Furcal, Andrea Ethier, Nomar Garciaparra and Luis Gonzalez. Haha. I'm just kidding about that last one. He's terrible.

Wild Card
JR says:
New York. (Fine. I hate your team. But I love your players.)
Eli says: Philadelphia. (The National League is awful.)

National League Awards
MVP: David Wright, New York (JR)
Ryan Howard, Philadelphia (Eli)

Cy Young: Chris Young, San Diego (JR)
Carlos Zambrano, Chicago (Eli)

Rookie of the Year: Troy Tulowitzki, Colorado (JR)
Lastings Milledge, New York (Eli)

First to get steroid suspension: Daryle Ward, Chicago (JR)
Prince Fielder, Milwaukee (Eli)

Breakout player: Clay Hensley, San Diego (JR)
John Patterson, Washington (Eli)

First manager fired: Jerry Narron, Cincinnati (JR)
Clint Hurdle, Colorado (Eli)

Number of wins for Roger Clemens: 6 (JR)
8 (Eli)

Date of Ken Griffey Jr's year-ending injury: July 12 (JR)
June 2 (Eli)

Posted by Eli @ 12:41 PM :: (10) comments

Monday, February 05, 2007

Thumbs down

How sad.


Rex Grossman. This is an obvious no-brainer, of course. Grossman's performance wasn't Tony Eason terrible, but it was pretty putrid. He threw two interceptions and lost a fumble, in addition to fumbling again for a 12-yard loss. The first interception he threw was particularly egregious, and not just because it was returned for a touchdown. He dropped back and threw the ball twice as high as he did far, looking much like a kid playing "500" with his friends in the street. Unfortunately, Rex wasn't hit by a car.

Ron Turner. Turner shares almost as much blame as Grossman, with some of the most bland play-calling Bears fans have seen since the days of John Shoop. He continually called plays that featured nothing but flat routes and long routes -- there was no in-between. Grossman is most effective when he hits slants across the middle and uses the tight end. Turner didn't utilize that last night, and by doing so, he failed to put his quarterback in the best position to succeed.

Adewale Ogunleye. Where were you last night? I see your brother was cheering for you from Staton Island, but you didn't even lay a finger on Peyton Manning. Have fun playing behind Mark Andersen next year.

Peyton Manning's tango skills. Check out this YouTube video of Manning doing the tango in 8th grade. The neck-bob part is especially great. He looks like a bird on a pogo stick.

The Super Bowl commercials. I know I'm not saying anything new here, but the ads were pretty terrible this year. I liked the Snickers accidental kiss commercial, and the Oprah/Letterman ad was probably my favorite. Other than that, it was pretty terrible. Then again, it's hard to enjoy commercials when your favorite team is getting punched in the mouth for three hours.

Rex Grossman. Oh, I already mentioned you? Sorry. Just wanted to make sure. Thanks for making me looking like an idiot.

Devin Hester. Why can't you figure out a way to play quarterback and wide receiver at the same time? Hack.

Posted by Eli @ 8:33 AM :: (7) comments

Sunday, February 04, 2007

Vomit

Hey everyone!  Point at the worst quarterback in the NFL!

Posted by Eli @ 10:11 AM :: (2) comments

Saturday, February 03, 2007

The prediction

I'm coming for you, Laser Rocket Arm.


This is it. After going 5-1 in the playoffs, the Mainstream Media Calculator™ is back to choose one final game. I made a few tweaks to the formula, so hopefully it can give me a more accurate result. Granted, the outcomes have been okay, but the scores haven't been too close. Let's see what it spits out for this game.

Super Bowl XLI
Indianapolis Colts vs. Chicago Bears

Formulaic values: Peyton Manning big game + Rex Grossman sucks + Rex Grossman stinks + Rex Grossman is inconsistent + Rex Grossman can lose this game + Rex Grossman is awful at football + Rex Grossman will throw seven interceptions + Bob Sanders is the heart and soul of the universe + the '85 Bears love attention + Lovie Smith + Tony Dungy + yup, still black + Marvin Harrison hates the media + Brian Urlacher is ready to hit someone in the mouth + South Beach distractions + Maybe like Peyton Manning's team, maybe + Rex Grossman still sucks + so does the city of Indianapolis.
MMC says: Bears 27, Colts 20
Breakdown: Aside from all of the Rex Grossman criticism, the other big story of the week has been Indy's defense. Most people seem to think that it's suddenly turned into a good one because of its playoff performance. However, this line of thinking ignores the terrible showing against the Patriots, forgets that Baltimore's offense is bad and sweeps under the rug the fact that the Chiefs had a terrible gameplan going into the wild-card game.

But other than that, yes. The Colts defense is pretty strong.

I think the Bears will be able to put up some points in the game. I know Bob Sanders has been a nice boost against the run, but he is not the sole reason the Colts are allowing 100 rushing yards less in the playoffs. He's also a super-aggressive safety, and the Bears run the play-action pass as well as any team in football. If they can establish the run with any authority early in the game, Grossman will be able to pick his spots and grab big chunks of yardage. And that, in a vicious, Colt-kicking cycle, will keep the run open.

The only question is if the Bears can contain Peyton Manning. And honestly, I have no idea if they can. He's usually his own worst enemy -- if he's calm and collected, he can pick apart any defense, even the Bears. But if he doesn't have immediate success, he will force things and we might see Nate Vasher streaking 50 yards to the end zone for a pick-six.

Ooh, that makes me happy just thinking about it.

Overall, I do feel pretty confident about the Bears. Grossman won't be as bad as everyone is expecting (which I think is 9-for-25 for 140 yards and three interceptions) and Manning isn't going to throw for 400 yards. I'd be surprised if it wasn't a pretty even contest.

It's going to be fun. I'm ready to go.

Go Bears.

Posted by Eli @ 9:10 AM :: (0) comments

Friday, February 02, 2007

Locked and loaded

That guy. Over there. I'm going to hit him in the face.  Yes, it's Peter King.


Quotes from Super Bowl preview articles:

1. "At times, Grossman been hot. More times, he's been cold."
-John Clayton

2. "Rex Grossman made some plays he had to make against the Saints, but I still think they're going to try and limit his throws. There's no way Chicago wants him throwing more than 25 times."
-Don Banks

3. "One of the uglier questions this week has been, "Is Grossman the worst ever Super Bowl QB?" It's unfair but he has himself to blame."
-Dr. Z

4. "I haven't talked to one person who thinks the Bears can win. Not one."
-Bill Simmons


Boy, it's hopeless being a Bears fan before they play the impenetrable, dominating machine that is the Indianapolis Colts. A team that stumbled into the playoffs. A team that lost to the Houston Texans. A team that allowed a historic number of rushing yards. A team missing its starting cornerback. I'm just glad that they're going to give the Bears the common courtesy of 60 full minutes on the field with this unbeatable juggernaut.

However, despite the dominance of the Colts, there are problems with those italicized statements.

1. This is flat-out wrong. Grossman has had 10 games this season with a QB rating above 80, and two more games in the 70s. That's 12 non-terrible games.

2. Of the Bears' 18 games this season, Grossman has thrown fewer than 25 times in just three of them.

3. Saying that it's unfair, but it's also Grossman's fault doesn't make any sense. It can't be unfair if it's his fault.

4. This is meaningless. The only people who will even talk to Bill anymore are House, Hench, J-Bug and his geriatric father.

Grossman lashed out yesterday -- finally -- by calling reporters "ignorant" for their constant badgering and criticism of him this week. He's clearly pissed off, and I don't see how he can be blamed for that; he's handled it a lot better than most people would have. Probably 70 percent of the questions asked of him have been about how bad of a quarterback he is. The other 30 percent of questions are about the questions he receives about how bad of a quarterback he is. Questions about how he's not Peyton Manning.

Peyton Manning is in his ninth year as an NFL quarterback. His first season's QB rating was 71.6 Grossman is in his first full season. His QB rating is 73.9. His record as a starter is 20-5.

20-5! It's nothing to sniff at. He's doing at least a few things right.

While I always root hard for the Bears, I'll be rooting especially hard for Rex on Sunday. I want him to blow the Colts out of the water, not just so the Bears win, but so everyone will finally get off his back. I want him to throw for 380 yards. I want him to toss four touchdowns. I want him to abuse Bob "Heart and Soul" Sanders in coverage.

I'm still not even sure that would make his doubters back off. But it won't matter, because the Bears will win the Super Bowl if that happens. And while respect is nice, the Bears probably won't get it no matter what they do.

So they'll just have to settle for a title. Ho hum. Something tells me they'll be just fine with that.

Posted by Eli @ 7:21 AM :: (6) comments

Thursday, February 01, 2007

Football for nerds

Nerds.


The folks over at Desipio have been running simulations of the Super Bowl on WhatIfSports.com, and it's been pretty interesting to see the results. The site allows you to match up any two teams -- from any era -- in a simulated game and see what the outcome would be. I thought I'd go ahead and try my own simulation for Sunday's game, and post the results here. No human seems to think the Bears can win, so what about a computer?

I set the game at Pro Player Stadium, of course, and since the forecast calls for rain, we're set at 65 degrees, occasional light rain and winds gusting up to 20 mph. Going from the box score, here's how Super Bowl XLI came out:

First quarter: Slow moving for game many thought would be high-scoring. Each team has two drives, and they end in punts. The Colts offense seems stagnant, never gaining more than a few yards at a time, if that. The Bears have some success moving the ball on the ground, but don't put anything on the board. However, the quarter ends with the Bears driving down behind Cedric Benson, sitting at the Indianapolis 13 as time expires.

Second quarter: The quarter opens with the Thomas Jones coming in and running for eight yards, and the Benson punching it in from 5 yards out for the score. The extra point is good and the Bears lead 7-0. The Colts, however, immediately answer on the next drive as Peyton Manning takes just four pass plays to score, ending in an 11-yard score to Marvin Harrison. Game tied, 7-7.

The Bears then respond by mounting a long drive that gets them down to the 11, where Robbie Gould boots a 28-yard field goal through the uprights. The key play is a 32-yard run by Cedric Benson, who is having a huge first half. Bears lead 10-7. The Colts once again respond, taking the ball downfield and settling for a 36-yard Adam Vinatieri field goal to knot the game at 10 with 1:47 left in the half.

The Bears, proving this is an extremely accurate simulation, go three-and-out on three inexplicable pass plays, giving the ball back to the Colts with plenty of time left. I will kill you, Ron Turner.

The Colts, behind Manning's arm, begin driving downfield. 14-yard pass to Dominic Rhodes, 10 yard out to Reggie Wayne. However, we get to glimpse Manning's playoff demons as he throws an interception to Lance Briggs at the Bears' 28. With just 11 seconds left, the Bears run out the clock. Lovie doesn't call a timeout with two seconds left.

Halftime score: 10-10.

Third quarter: The Bears open the second-half with some trickery, running a reverse to Bernard Berrian for a short gain. Grossman then nails Muhsin Muhammad for a 24-yard strike and the Bears are rolling. After a few short runs, Grossman proves everyone in the world right, and throws an interception to Mike Doss and the Colts take over.

The Colts don't take advantage of the turnover, and the teams trade punts. Then, with 6:39 left in the third, Charles Tillman picks off Manning and returns the ball to the Indy 47. Grossman promptly hits Muhammad for a 20-yard gain, and the Bears settle for a field goal. Bears 13, Colts 10.

Fourth quarter: Drama! The final quarter opens up with Manning hitting Wayne for an 18-yard gain. Joseph Addai follows with a 24-yard run to give the Colts 1st and goal. After a wasted screen pass to Harrison, Addai slips into the end zone and gives the Colts a 17-13 lead with 11:47 left in the game.

We see two Peyton Manning commercials on the simulated commercial break.

The Bears take the kickoff and return it to the 35 for good field position. Thomas Jones opens the drive with a big run, and Berrian hauls in a pass on the next play to give the Bears a chance for a field goal. The drive stalls, and Gould kicks through a 44-yard field goal to bring the Bears within one point, 17-16

The Colts go three-and-out and turn the ball back over the Bears with 6:37 remaining. Rex Grossman walks onto the field with a chance to pretty much shut up the world. He goes to work and hits Muhammad (again) for a 17-yard net. Then he drills Berrian in the numbers for a 19-yard gain. After a Thomas Jones' run gets the ball down to the Indianapolis 8, Grossman hits Berrian in the end zone for a touchdown. Eli dances around his living room, and the Bears go for the two-point conversion. They get it and now lead 24-17 with 2:03 left.

Is it John Elway time for Peyton Manning? Dan Marino time? Kordell Stewart time? God, I hope so.

The Colts get the ball back and the first play is a run by Rhodes for a four-yard gain. Addai then runs for another four yards to the Colts' 34. The Colts call timeout. Manning overthrows Dallas Clark on third down, and a run by Addai on fourth down isn't enough. Oops. Turnover on downs.

The Bears get the ball back and try to run out the clock for a Super Bowl win. Jones carries for no gain. Colts' timeout. On the next play, Jones takes a short pitch from Grossman and breaks through to score a game-sealing 39-yard touchdown.

Eli dances more. And more. And more and more and more.

Bears win, 31-17.

Posted by Eli @ 1:55 PM :: (4) comments

Take notice

The next Jesus.


Kevin Durant is good.

Have you heard?

Texas' all-galactic freshman dropped in 37 points last night and hauled down 23 rebounds while the Longhorns beat Texas Tech. He's only the second player in the history of the Big 12 to post a 30-20 game, with the other being Mario Boggan, who needed triple overtime to get it done.

Kevin Durant is good.

You know it, I know it, and I'm pretty sure he knows it. Though judging from his quote after the game, maybe he's still unconvinced.
"Who me? Oh, I didn't even know I did that. I really wasn't worried about my stats or my rebounds or points. I just wanted to win."

Uh huh.

False modesty or not, you're looking at the best player in college basketball. He's some sort of otherworldly mix of Garnett's all-around game, Dirk's shooting touch and Amare's explosiveness (hello, Eli; meet hyperbole). Check out his numbers to this point:

25 points
11.5 rebounds
2.2 three-pointers
49 percent from the floor
83 percent from the line
1.5 steals
1.7 blocks

In conference play, he's averaging 32 points and 14 rebounds.

Since this is how my mind works, all I can think of is what a fantasy basketball monster he would be. Or is going to be. I can't even begin to imagine what he would do if he stays in college for four years -- we'd probably see him averaging 35 points and 15 boards a game.

But we won't get to see that, since Durant is likely going to come out after this season. While I'm bummed that the Knicks haven't been terrible enough for the Bulls to have a shot at Durant (or Greg Oden), it's still going to be fun to watch Texas play this year. And to watch him play against overmatched college players.

Tune in.

Posted by Eli @ 7:15 AM :: (1) comments

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